cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm passing your future prison.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize