my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
