i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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