Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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