Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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