My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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