he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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