forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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