Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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