WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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