My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
