Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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