I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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