**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
