i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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