Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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