I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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