I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
