she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
