if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
