Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
