You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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