I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
