I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
