she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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