literally had 100 drinks last night.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
