Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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