She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
