well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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