She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
