I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
