Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize