Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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