$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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