think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
