Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize