dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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