i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
