all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
