This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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