The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
