def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
