i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
