i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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