Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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