I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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