No, drunk sperm still make babies.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Farmville is her only friend.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
