peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
