last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Randomize
