Kiss
Puke
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
