Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
