My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
