Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
