i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
