We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
