Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
