She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize