i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My cat gives me a boner
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
