This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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