she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
