god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
did you just send me my own nude
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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