he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
