every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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