How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
