True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
