i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
