I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
