I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How does one acquire holy water?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
