I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
