i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
