I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Randomize