Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
