census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
