I've blown a few things in my day
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
