To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
