You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
