he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
