I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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