Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
