First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
