I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
