There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
