Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
