We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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