Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
