Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
