just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize