OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
