Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
