Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize