sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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