Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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