I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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