how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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