guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize