i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
