I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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