If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
